Big Brother, Little Brother

Little guys are getting really big.  I've always heard other moms talk about how their kids grow up fast and never really got it, but now I do.  It seems like they change overnight and I just want to bottle up the littleness and keep it around a little longer.

Abe is a pro at walking and now has decided to tackle running.  It's so cute.  He often thinks Kiah is chasing him and runs screaming in the opposite direction as she does (or really doesn't but I don't have the heart to tell him that).  Although he still has his moments of "not gentle" he had really gotten into Tanner these days.  He loves to give him kisses.  He has a certain little laugh dedicated just to when he sees Tanner.  Speaking of laughs, that's another thing I want to bottle up.  He has the cutest, funniest laughs.  He has laughs for Tanner and Kiah, when he thinks something is funny, when he thinks he is funny.  It's adorable.  Quite sooner than I expected we were called about a speech evaluation appointment at Children's.  They had originally said around 2 months to get an appt so I was expecting some time in January.  We have an appointment Dec 1st. I'm anxious to hear what they have to say.

Tanner's personality is starting to bud out.  He is getting quite vocal (kind of reminds me of how his dad is always making some sort of noise).  We've put him in the bouncer and although he doesn't quite have the bounce down he definetely kicks his legs and moves around.  His smile is adorable, he smiles with his whole face.  And today I was tickling his belly and he laughed!  He is in 3-6 month clothes right now but I really think we might have to move up soon and I just went and I just moved him to size 2 diapers and now starting to wonder if he really needs to be in 3's!  He's also trying his hardest to roll over.

Seeing Tanner grow has been a bittersweet thing for me.  I love to watch him discover new things and discover new skills and it's kind of like it is all new for me because Tanner is defenintely doing things much earlier than Abe did and that breaks my heart.  Abe has definetely come a long way and I will do whatever it takes to get him completely caught up on his development but my heart breaks over the reasons for it.  Simple healthy nurtrition and medical care would not have only spared Abe of this but so many other children.  We are so blessed to live in the States.  I wonder why I have been given the priviledge to live here while so many other mom's living in countries where starvation and sickness is so rampant.  I think of Ethiopia and the fact that there is 1 doctor to every 250,000 people!  How come we have so much and they have so little?  I've thought all these things before but it is even more real to me seeing my boys grow.  I know that out of this tragedy I have been amazingly blessed with this beautiful, sweet, loving little boy who has stolen my heart and means the world to me.  I just ache for the moms in other countries that don't have a pediatrician on speed dial, a Children's Hospital right down the street, access to physical therapist, speech therapists and every thing else I have at my fingertips.  As I sit here typing this I realize how much I've been dreading tomorrow, Tanner has his 4 month well baby visit and going to the dr's with both Abe and Tanner can sometimes be stressful.  I'm stressed out about taking my children to a well baby visit!!  I am so spoiled!!  There are mothers out there that would give anything to take their sick child to a dr and I'm complaining that I have the opportunity to just go see a doctor when nothing is wrong to make sure nothing goes wrong.  Dealing with a fussy baby after vaccines is a priviledge, not something to dread.  I say all this not really knowing where I'm going with it.  I have this burden but don't know what to do with it.  I feel like I have so much and want to do something for others but don't know what. 

I know God has placed these two precious boys in my life for a reason and I look forward to seeing "the plans He has made for us".  Whether my burden is to change the life of one little boy or to change the life of thousands of little boys and girls is still to be seen but I sit and trust that He is in control.